thedarkages | Desk Set, minus EMERAC

I need a reference librarian. On demand. I want one like Katharine Hepburn in Desk Set, with all the facts of the world in her brain or in immediately accessible paper. Not Google, or Wikipedia. Not even EMERAC.

Now, my institution (no, not Arkham) supposedly offers this exact service. It's called "Chat With A Reference Librarian." I have discovered that, although nobly intentioned, it is structured like tech support. You start with a really brain-dead undergraduate "library assistant," and, after a long, meaningless conversation in which it becomes evident that the "assistant" knows nothing, you may or may not be passed to an actual MLS-holding librarian who can answer your questions in thirty seconds. Now, my computer manufacturer has a deal, where you can cut through the Indian Level 1's with flowcharts, and go straight to American English-speaking, intelligent people who actually know the product. Why can't the library have the same thing? The library could enter into Service Level Agreements where, for two hundred bucks a year, you were guaranteed 24x7 99.9% librarian availability, or you start getting service credits. I'd buy one in a flash. A good reference librarian is as important for my work as broadband. And the reference librarian would have the ability to escalate calls to MIS and to the major library vendors, which is what I needed this afternoon.

I pay $40/year for my library service, and nobody calls that undemocratic. So introducing access tiers for library professionals is logical. And, it would employ a hell of a lot of library school graduates. Who's for it?