Our Sacred Tongue

[thedarkages]

This weekend, a friend told me that English was now the national language.

I didn't think we had a national language. As I understand it, two conflicting proposals exist, one of which declares English as the national language, while the other merely attests to the importance of English. Unless I've missed something, neither one of them has been enacted by both houses of Congress. Although the former proposal obviously smacks of ein Volk/Reich/Sprache, consider the possibilities:

• An Académie Anglaise, headed by Jesse Sheidlower, to regulate the development and purity of the language.


• Fines for improper use of English, which would make up for declining Federal revenue from our years of tax cuts.


• The elevation of composition instructors to their proper rank, compensation, and stature in society.


• The creation of a cadre of language police, ending for all time the question, "Just what can you do with an English major?"


• William Safire led off in chains for impersonating a grammarian.


• The criminalization of rap lyrics.

I hope you can see the obvious benefits of English as the Only Language; phone Congress today!

Comments

[ikkyu2.livejournal.com]

Apparently John Adams tried this out on the First Continental Congress in 1780; my (crappy) source says that he was unsuccessful because his proposal was thought to be "undemocratic and a threat to individual liberty."

[brooklynite.livejournal.com]

An Académie Anglaise, headed by Jesse Sheidlower, to regulate the development and purity of the language.

Fuckin' A!

[willendorf5761.livejournal.com]

I would like to join the Bureau for the Suppression of Misused Apostrophes. I'm assuming there will be work for government lawyers.

[mrbalihai.livejournal.com]

"Citizen, your Chicago Manual of Style, please!"

[willendorf5761.livejournal.com]

If the Academie Anglaise is anything like its French counterpart, there will be no more:

cliche (what a relief)
savoir faire
hors d'oeuvres
RSVP (a dying courtesy, anyway)
chaise longue (or that abomination, the "chaise lounge")
nom de plume
nom de guerre
coup d'etat
coup de grace
folie a deux
pied a terre
menage a trois
pie a la mode
demimonde
bourgeoisie (up against the wall, motherfuckers!)
fin de siecle

Not to mention:

res judicata
res ipse loquitur
QED
in media res
RIP
antebellum
causus belli (but no pax Americana, either)
opus dei (banished to the Vatican)
pro bono publico
pro se
pro forma
pro rata
per capita

I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

[thedarkages]

You're quite correct. Loan words would become as -- well, as déclassé -- as "le week end." At the same time, I think plain-English equivalents for Latin and Norman legal terminology ("livery of seisin"?) might be welcome.

The bottom line: in the New Monolingual America, if you want to speak French and Latin, learn French and Latin. (Then again, why learn other languages? To talk to dead furriners?)

I think, however, that the Academie Anglaise would probably spare the Latin, reserving its particular ire for French.

My friend Saussy has written a good piece on precisely this subject.

[willendorf5761.livejournal.com]

Which came first, the picnic or le pique-nique?

In Maryland, plain language really has taken over the law. No more law French, and very little Latin (which nobody knows how to pronounce anyway). We still say pro bono, pro se, and amicus curiae, but that's about it. I'm not sure we even say in forma pauperis any more.

[willendorf5761.livejournal.com]

I said I wanted to join the Bureau for the Suppression of Misused Apostrophes, but I believe le bureau will be verboten.

[willendorf5761.livejournal.com]

And what will be done to people like me, who use data and media as plural nouns?

[queenofstuff.livejournal.com]

You'll just have to say you're Canadian.