John D. and Catherine T.'s Prize Patrol

I woke up this morning and realized that the only reason I could possibly receive a MacArthur grant would be for having a pulse. I pictured MacArthur Foundation officials coming to my house with a blood pressure cuff, and, having satisfied themselves that I had a pulse, awarding me the prize.

The MacArthur Fellows Program awards unrestricted fellowships to talented individuals who have shown extraordinary originality and dedication in their creative pursuits and a marked capacity for self-direction.

My body's creation of red corpuscles is second to none. The Red Cross keeps calling me and asking me if I have more to give them. As for dedication, an entire area of my brain and a major organ are both dedicated to making sure these corpuscles are flowing through my body at an approved rate. Said area of my brain is autotelic, regulating my pulse in a way that shows a marked capacity for self direction.

Satisfying all these criteria, I lay myself open for inclusion in the next cohort of Fellows.

Business -1.0, and a contest

I have just finished rejiggering my professional website. Business has been dismal over the last few months, despite a Google ad campaign that I have been hard-pressed to financially sustain. Google brought some traffic to the website, but there was no corresponding rise in inquiries.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with my work. I provide a lot of value for little enough money, and have made believers and repeat customers out of many clients. My testimonial section on the website could be much longer. But something about my marketing is wrong. I know that many of my competitors are seeking out naive or first-time authors, flattering them as to the quality of their work, and making extravagant claims about publication. I can't do that. Print advertising is extremely expensive -- hundreds of dollars per insertion -- and web advertising, e.g., on the Writer's Digest site (which I loathe), is hardly less so. Blog ads in my price range have the problem of small viewership.

Hence, I announce a contest. The best marketing suggestion submitted by Monday, July 9th will garner a $20.00 Amazon gift certificate. You can suggest ways to change the website, deals on ads I may not have thought of, and so forth. My advertising budget, not including the website, is $60/month, although if business gets better, I can probably double it. Good luck!