O, Whence Cometh My Distribution?

I've been looking at Linux distributions for a while now, hoping to install one and be done with it. Fedora was just too buggy and crashy; I don't think they've got their driver situation squared away. Debian stable was too old-school; I got my fingers burnt trying to manually configure the X server and ran. Knoppix was nearly perfect, except that it would not play nice with my RAID controller, and crashed often. Ubuntu knows and loves my RAID controller, but when I made the step of committing to install, it partitioned the bejeezus out of my auxiliary hard disk in a way which cries out for bulk erasure. That sad volume now thinks that it's got a terabyte of data, and I hate to disillusion it, but it only has 187 Gb. I wonder when the bits are going to start falling off the edge of the earth.

So I need:

1. The stability of debian-stable
   
2. The user interface of Knoppix
   
3. The aacraid-recognizing goodness of Ubuntu
   

Somewhere out there, there's got to be a distro with my name on it.